Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
