if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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