i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
