Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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