sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
