So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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