there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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