She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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