today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize