idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
