sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Couch. On fire.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
