whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
