well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize