i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
