i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
