I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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