I feel like abortions should bother me more
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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