I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
