I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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