____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it's great music for shaving your balls
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
