she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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