i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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