He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
