This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
