I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize