pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
