I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize