Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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