Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
