Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
