I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
