is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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