This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
