Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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