You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
