A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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