I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
