Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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