Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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