Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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