too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
