The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
