I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
