Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Found your dick twin last night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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