Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
