worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
