Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
