google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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