I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
