don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
