So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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