My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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