I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
