We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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