i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i think i just lost a toe
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
