he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize