I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
