just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize