so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
