New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
