like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
