I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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