I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
