there was a trapeze. enough said
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
