Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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