remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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