I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
