theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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